Gifted child?

I was just reminded by someone of another reason why I am going to hell...

Some years ago I was bored out of my head, enduring a Christmas party attended by people I don't like much... including the irritating 3 year old of a distant relative. For the sake of the now adult child's emotional well-being, let's call him Toby.

According to his mother, Toby was 'gifted' and 'intelligent for his age'. In reality, he was a loud, rude, snotty-nosed pain-in-the-arse. His only redeeming feature was that had a sweet tooth... much to my delight.

Toby loved those fruit roll-up thingys more than life itself and, lucky for me, there were some in the house. So, much to everyone's astonishment (I don't like children... a lot), Toby and I spent a few joyous moments sitting on the floor cutting out star shapes for him to eat. There were lots of coos and comments about how my maternal instincts had finally kicked in.

After things had been quiet for a while, Toby's mum noticed he had disappeared and became somewhat concerned, wandering around the house calling... and then finally went outside in case he had slipped out a door somewhere. She was worried as the house was on a major intersection and there was also plenty of passing pedestrian traffic most of the time.

When she went out the front door, there were a few ladies gathered in a huddle who all smiled that 'knowing mother, poor thing' smile at her. As she got closer she heard mutterings of 'poor little dear' and 'oh, sweet little mite'. Toby's mum was somewhat perplexed, until she turned to face the house...

There was her 'gifted and intelligent for his age child' lovingly licking the glass, huge floor-to-ceiling glass windows looking right out into the world, showcasing Toby to perfection. Picture those poor little kids who ride the 'short bus' each day... and you've got it in one.

Amazing what you can do with a roll-ups star, a smart-arse brat and large window...

... she still isn't speaking to me.