1800 Jerk My Chain

My best friend of 35+ years passed away late last year, and I am still mourning a loss that is going to break my heart until the day I die. Jo was my bestest-estest buddy and we both have a rather obscure way of looking at things, so she would fully understand the amusing side of the following post.

I received a phone call a few days ago from ****** finance company, in regards to a credit card she had that I was listed as a reference for. To say that the guy who called was persistant is an understatement, but he was a source of amusement to me on a subject that saddens me. And there is also something oddly satisfying about poking another human being to see how long takes to make them explode...

T: Hi, my name is Toby from ******, may I speak to *****?
S: That's me, how can I help you?
T: I'm calling in regards to Jo ******, we need to contact her urgently.
S: Mmmm, I have a fair idea where she is, but not exactly.
T: I'm sorry? So you have contact details for her?
S: Nope...
T: So, you can't get in contact with her then?
S: Not by what you'd call normal channels, but I do believe it can be done...
T: So, do you or do you not know where she is, we need to speak to her urgently.
S: Umm... depending on what your personal beliefs are, she may speak to you... yes.
T: Look, can you get her to contact us urgently?
S: What's your address then?
T: I will give you a number to get her to call.
S: Hmmm... far as I know, she won't have her mobile with her.
T: Can you give me her home number then, so we can call her?
S: Even I don't have that one
T: What about a work number then?
S: Wow... if I had her boss's number... damn, I'd be a squillionaire!
T: Sorry? *long pause* I don't understand? This is not a joke you know!
S: Okay, how about I give you my personal opinion on where I think she may be?
T: Thank you, that would be a great help.
S: Okay... there are fluffy white clouds, a dude in a long gown with a flowing beard and lots of little guys with wings flying around and...
T: Are you jerking my chain? This is not funny...
S: No Toby, death is not funny
T: Death? What do you mean death?
S: Jo passed away late last year, dumbass...
T: *long pause*
S: Are you there?
T: Umm, sorry. It *pause* seems our records are...
S: Yes, out of date
T: CLICK!