January, September, March, April...

Since when - in Australia, anyway - is the second month of the year September?

I've just got off the phone from (insert name of phone company here). The purpose of my call was to find out when my contract expired and possibly lower my plan as I rarely use my mobile for anything other than a handy alarm clock.

After sitting on hold long enough to make a sandwich, I was put through to a lady with an American accent. Now, considering the current situation with call centre hiring policies, I automatically assumed she was somewhere in Delhi and had just finished a course on 'How to Sound Like an American, Australian or New Zealander'... until she had to tell me when my contract expired.

After confirming my ID, she advised me that my contract would finish on the ninth of the second this year.

So... assuming that my contract had already expired, I asked her what deals I was eligible for. I was met with silence, then a rather curt 'but your contract has not expired'. I reminded her that she had told me that my contract expired on the ninth of the second this year, to which she responded, 'yes this year, not last year'.

S: Okaaaaaaay, let me get this straight. My contract expires on the ninth of the second this year, yes?
O: That's correct
S: And it hasn't expired yet?
O: (sigh) That's correct
S: Are you drunk?
O: I'm sorry?
S: Let me rephrase that... what time-warp continuim have you transported yourself into?
O: (silence)
S: Can you please explain to me how, if my contract expires in the second month - being FEBRUARY this year - that it hasn't expired yet?
O: Oh, I'm sorry you must be confused, it's....
S: No, I am not the one who is confused. You are calling from a call centre in Australia, right?
O: Of course I am...
S: Now I KNOW you have been drinking!
O: (silence)
S: I hate to tell you this, but in AUSTRALIA February comes before September. Also - in Australia - the 2nd of September is described as the SECOND OF THE NINTH. We don't 'arse-up' our days and months like Yanks do.
O: (Silence)
S: So... once more for the dummies, my contract is not up until the 2nd of September, yes?
O: That is correct.
S: (Silence)
O: Did you wish to pre-extend your contract?
S: *CLICK*