Knock knock...

I had a rather heated discussion the other night with a work colleague over the rather annoying (and in my opinion, extremely rude) habit of certain religeous groups to knock on your door, touting their god-products.

First up, before all you god-fearing folk start burning my house down... this is not just about religeon, it's about respecting other people's ideas and the fact that 'a man's home is his castle'. You don't just march up to someone's home and tell them that everything they have ever believed in is wrong. THAT is just bloody rude!

Whether it's football, religeon or politics - in this country, everyone has the right their own opinion and, above all, the right to do as they please in their own home.

Which includes discouraging 'door-knocking-opinion-givers' in whatever way they choose. I choose to be rude to them, quite simply because they are being rude to me by having the gall to think they have the right to tell me what to do in my own home. They use the excuse that they are spreading 'the word' or only trying to help me. Bullshit...

Did 'your' Jesus doorknock? No... he would have got his arse kicked to the curb. So, instead of door knocking, how about you try doing what 'your' Jesus did... call the people unto him! Drop a pamphlet in my mailbox - if I want to be saved, I will call you. It's that easy, people... practise what you preach and for crying out loud... READ YOUR BIBLE. Don't just pull out the bits that are relevant to you and adapt them to suit yourself.

Personally... I have waged a little war against 'door knocking' or 'money-grabbing' religeons - sometimes with the help of two unknowing friends who - of all things - hate each other based entirely on the other's choice of 'door knocking' team. Pretty stupid, eh?

Here's a sample of a few things I've done over the years, I've pulled out a few that relate to god-squaddas - I like to refer to them as 'Global Domination by Methods of Hilarity':

1) Watch the Benny Hind god-squadda show... listen to tale of 'How I gave my last 10c to the lord and he gave me $1000' (whilst noticing he has diamond buttons and cufflinks)... ring the 'donation' number and try to convince the lady to agree to the deal that I will donate 10c if they send me a cheque for $1000.00.

2) Take details of a friend who is a member of one 'door-knocking' religion... fill them into a form on the website of another 'door knocking' religion... of which another friend is a member... then return the favour with their details to the first friends website.

3) Blind 'Conference Call' two people from opposing 'door knocking' teams who hate each other... a lot. Best time to do this is on a Sunday morning around 7am, just as everyone is getting ready to go to church. Snicker quietly to yourself as you listen to them accusing each other of trying to make them late for church!

4) When a 'door knocker' comes to your door, politely refuse them, but give them the details of a dear, dear friend who really needs their help (namely your friend from the opposing 'door knocker' team.) Return the favour when the alternate team arrives on your doorstep (as they always do) a few days later!

5) Listen patiently - and with a big smile on your face - when a couple of young blokes riding bikes and wearing name tags stop you in the street for a chat. Wait until they notice you haven't replied then ask, "May I borrow your bike? I had to sell mine to buy beer and my welfare payment isn't due until next week'.

6) When 'door knockers' come to your home, have one of your children bark and growl at them through the security screen door. Explain to them that he/she is possessed and the blood of christians is the only thing that quietens them. If they offer to assist in any way, thank them and ask if they have AIDS or Hep' C. Give your child a big hug as the offenders make their escape at high speed down your driveway.

Seat 666 has just been reserved for me in the first-class section of Hell...