I've been house-bound for some weeks due to being ill (not under home detention for stealing donuts from small children, as rumours seem to indicate) so it was with great delight that I was unleashed back into the general populous yesterday morning. I had to renew my driver's license so headed off to the local RTA.
As usual there was a massive lineup, so I grabbed my ticket from the machine and grabbed a seat. Directly in my line of sight was a young bloke of around eighteen, of unidentifiable nationality, who was so blatantly intent on picking up that it was laughable. Let's call him Wally... for obvious reasons.
The first indication that Wally wasn't in the same mindframe as everyone else, was that he wasn't holding any paperwork, or even a numbered ticket. Add to that, he was paying no attention whatsoever to the indicator board ticking over the numbers as they were called to the counter. Wally was in foreign territory, it seemed.
Next up was the fact that it was 8.45 on a Saturday morning, it was only around ten degrees, foggy and rainy. People were bleary eyed, sniffly and rugged up to the hilt, with many (including myself) who looked like they had just got out of bed. But not Wally... he was primed to go.
He was wearing a tight singlet-like top, fashionably creased jeans and shiny leather boots. He had just about every piece of jewellery he owned around his neck and had obviously spent a great deal of time and hair product getting his tossled look just right. Notably, he had postioned himself directly under the airconditioning heating duct... which made me assume that this was not the first time he'd hunted in this terrain.
The body language was obvious: Aggressive crotch-display seating position, arms carefully folded to ensure his wrists pushed out his bicep muscles, casual lean to one side and oh-so-sexy half-smirk on his face. He knew he was the Alpha Male in the room and had staked his claim to any females that strayed into his domain. Thing is, poor Wally wasn't exactly the most attractive of guys...
He would've weighed around sixty kilos wringing wet and had a rather frighteningly large over-bite. Add acne and body odour... you get the picture. But these appeared to go unnoticed by Wally and he hunted on, regardless.
First target was a young Asian girl who wandered into his strike zone. She sat directly across from him and made the mistake of making eye contact. Wally fluffed himself up, leaned forward and gave her a wink. I nearly laughed out loud when the young lady responded by coughing loudly and moving seats. But Wally was undeterred and postured himself, ready for the next female to approach.
Next up was a woman, 30-ish and well dressed. She sat nearby and was honoured with Wally shifting into a standing crotch-display position (thumbs hooked into beltloops and index fingers pointing to 'the goods'). He gave her his best chin-lift and dazzling smile. She simply looked away, but Wally pushed on. The next time she glanced up, he winked and motioned for her to come over. At this point I could no longer stifle my amusement and laughed out loud.
This resulted in the entire room craning to look at the crazy lady laughing to herself, so I hunched down in my seat, pulled my jacket around me and pretended I wasn't there.
The lady gave him one of the best 'Go Fark Yourself, Buddy' looks I have ever seen. It was beautifully executed and a ten-out-of-ten. Wally sat back down and concentrated his efforts to the next closest target, a woman with two small children. He was dutifully ignored, despite him trying every trick he knew. Again, I laughed and was met with quizzical looks - one man even moved away from me.
I was called to the counter at this point, had my photo taken and then returned to my seat to wait for my new license. In the meantime, Wally had managed to get a girl to talk to him. She was a rather scruffy looking lady (totally out of place in Castle Hill), but this didn't seem to bother Wally, he was putting on his best mating display - and it seemed to be working for him. He was grinning from ear to ear posturing his little heart out, he was a man on a roll...
...until she tried to bum a few dollars off him.
I burst out laughing when he got up and walked out. Funny thing was, she followed him outside and as I was getting into the Jimny, she was hitting him up for a cigarette as well... he looked suitably horrified.
Seems beggars can't be choosers... either way!
