Delinquent Pigeons

I was out the back yard this afternoon putting some stuff in the bins and have been bailed up by a pigeon. And not just any pidgeon, it was the Punk Pigeon of Death.

As well know... pigeons are known for being placid little guys who only really care about scamming free meals, crapping on anything of value and having bird-sex in the background of your carefully composed wedding photos. They scoot off when you approach and the most agressive thing they do is coo pigeon-abuse at you from a great distance.

But not this little guy... he was on a mission. Whilst the reasons for his full-scale attack on me will never be known, it has now made me wary of these deceptively passive guys. It's like being bailed up by a pensioner... with a pointy stick.

I was simply dumping stuff in the bin, when I became aware of a foofing noise and movement next to me. Looking down, I saw a pidgeon fluffed out to the max strutting back and forth, jumping at me and 'foofing' every now and then. I actually laughed at it and turned away to continue with my task - which must have annoyed it, as it took it's display one step further... it pecked my bloody ankle!

Spinning around I did what any normal person would do under attack - I kicked at it... further enraging it. It jumped up and made a swipe at my knee... then returned to foofing and strutting around my feet... WTF??!!... it's a pigeon for christ sake!!

I pretty pissed by now and picking up a plastic bottle, hurled it full-tilt at the little bastard. The bottle went right, he dodged left... which left my ankles open for attack again. Bugger this, I figured, you want war you little bastard... you'll get it!

I jumped at him with my right foot swinging and managed to connect this time. I punted him fair across yard, causing him to bounce off the fence. But did this stop him? Nooooooooo! He righted himself and got airborn, then literally divebombed me. WTF?? This - again - is a bloody pigeon!!!!

It landed back on the roof of my car and strutted back and forth, foofing and jumping... then flew off. So, here I am with a bloodied ankle standing under the carport wondering what the hell had just happened.

So.. be careful of those cute little pigeons with the punk-spikey-hairdo... the little bastards are planning global domination... one peck at a time.